Big Crowds
So a phobia is an object, action, concept, experience, or position that creates fear — sometimes irrational, but often a false sense of rationalism. My big irrational fear is of mushrooms. At least it’s common enough that there is a name for it — mycophobia. I found it at www.phobialist.com.
But what is it called when something just makes you sick, mad, disgusted? I was talking with Erin today. We had started off talking about garage toll booth workers. She mentions that, well, at least they get to sit and read when they aren’t doing anything, right? True, I said, but I counted with, “but they have to spend all day long in a tiny little box.” That wouldn’t bother Erin of course. I don’t think she’s agoraphobic, but she’s the opposite of claustrophobic. She really likes little spaces. They’re nice and cozy.
Well that prompted a change in discussion to agoraphobia. Now agoraphobia kind of has two meanings. It can mean fear of “crowded public places like markets” or it can mean fear of open spaces. I go with the latter, and that’s what I’m referring to here.
I’m not agoraphobic, quite the opposite. In the same way that Erin is the opposite of claustrophobic, I am the opposite of agoraphobic. I really love looking up at the stars and realizing how big the universe is. But what I don’t like is crowds. I looked this one up too, and it’s even got three different names! Enochlophobia, demophobia, or ochlophobia. I’m not sure what the ‘ochlo’ or ‘enochlo’ roots refer to*EDIT: I looked it up, ‘ochlo’ comes from Greek oklos, or, crowd., but I like ‘demophobia.’
Fear of people.
Ok but here is where I have something that isn’t a phobia. A large crowd…yes, it makes me uncomfortable. Not afraid though. Nervous maybe, but not like a worry makes you nervous. It’s a little like the feeling that makes you need to pace. Kind of a frustrated nervous. But here’s where I get back to my question. What would you call this feeling?
Being in a large public crowd, like for instance at a pop concert (oh how I hate going to pop concerts) makes me really fidgity. My temper gets really short and I generally turn into a real grump. It’s not just any public crowd though, I suppose there has to be a secondary trigger. Going to a play, for instance. While sitting in the crowd, watching the play, I’m fine. But during intermission I might get started. Walking down a crowded downtown street I might be ok, but if I’m stuck in a line I might get started. Maybe it’s a question of how distracted I might be, I don’t know. I think it has something to do with how prominent the crowd is in the environment. Maybe that’s the same thing….
But back to the feeling. I get really fidgity and anxious. But like I said, not worried anxious, just frustrated anxious. Then I kind of mentally turn on the other people. They start to really bother me individually now. Particular characterists will get me riled up. It’s silly little stuff, really, that are just hightened by my mood. For instance, a mouth-breather might really bother me. Or somebody with one of their shoelaces untied. Anybody complaining about anything. People walking very slowly, or people who you were walking behind that just stop walking and stand there in your way. Ahh!! I just hate those people!
Maybe it’s kind of like a people verson of road rage?
Whatever it is, I just have to learn to get over it. It’s like mushrooms. I don’t touch them, and they don’t … whatever they do … to me. So with the crowd, I don’t let them bother me, and they won’t effect me. They might bother me, but they can’t change me. I will not. become that person that stops walking in front of other people!
But what is it called? There is some kind of emotional reaction going on here. It is a very complex sensation.
But you know what gets to me more than maybe anything else in a crowd situation? Observing an obvious lack of Awareness. And you know, that’s just such an important topic that I’m going to start a new log for it.